My Journey with Long Covid…
This is probably one of the most vulnerable shares I have ever done, but as time and experience has proven to me, when you let people behind the curtain it's healing for all. Vulnerability and healing is courageous.
Last year I contracted Covid for the first time, it was a typical case, nothing drastic or special. I was told of the covid hangover which could linger for a while after, so I felt prepared. After two weeks in bed and postponing my calls, I came back to the world. The covid hangover was definitely present but I felt it was safe and responsible to show up and hold space.
After the closing ceremony of my Practitioner Programme (what a magical time), I took a well deserved break. That's when the flare ups started. In hindsight I am incredibly grateful this didn’t happen during the Practitioner Programme as it would have broken my heart, maybe the spirits kept me going until it finished so wonderful healers could go off into the world and spread some much needed love. Maybe the virus was able to flare as I wasn't channeling healing every day whilst on a break.
So the flare ups… they consisted of extreme body stiffness, I was unable to stand up straight, my joints and muscles were in so much pain everyday, I felt like I had aged sixty years overnight. My chiropractor was shocked to see the state of my body and how it had changed. My brain deteriorated at such a rapid rate that I went from holding classes to not being able to read, remember passwords, place names and entire chunks of my vocabulary. I wasn’t able to carry out basic things like sending emails or posting on social media. This decline happened in a matter of weeks. It took this long for the covid to reach and pillage my brain, which affected my coordination, balance, memory, emotions, decision making and information processing. I was lost. I couldn’t understand my reality, nothing made sense, I was so disconnected from everything, my partner, friends and family. I simultaneously dove deep into a harsh inescapable depression that I could not seem to get out of, it was as if all the healing and tools I had learnt over years of healing were deleted from my memory too. I was confused about everything in my life, I couldn’t make sense of anything, I questioned even the most steady and certain aspects of the life I had worked so hard to build. My pituitary gland was inflamed and badly affected meaning my menstrual cycle became irregular and the endometriosis that I had worked years to heal now came back with force. I couldn’t hold onto water in my body as the pituitary gland controls this, so I was chronically dehydrated at all times. I was unable to take full breaths as covid inflames your blood vessels so your heart, brain and lungs are all affected. I was also in a state of fight or flight constantly with my nervous system derailed and my thyroid and adrenals on hyperdrive. On average I would sleep for 11-15 hours per night and wake feeling desperately hungover and fatigued, although I haven't drunk in seven years, it's a feeling I know well.
On a spiritual level I felt so constrained and constricted, as if some awful being had covered me in tar. I felt suffocated and unable to grow. Covid cut me off from my personal intuition and decision making, something that has always been so easy for me was gone. I wasn't even able to make a decision about which bath mat to buy in the shops… However, my ability to channel never went, my connection to the spirit realm never went, just my own inner voice disappeared. I have heard this account from many healers who have experienced normal covid and long covid, that their inner voice went very quiet for a long time.
Mentally my internal narrative was toxic and sour, as if poisoned in some way, I felt as if someone else was speaking to me. I knew it wasn’t me but I was so weak and thrown off I wasn’t able to gather myself enough to take it on and question it.
I couldn’t feel nature and became allergic to the sun when I visited Hawaii. Tan dreams gone!
I felt hopeless and the familiarity of having a chronic illness returned, I had been Crohn’s Disease free for years and honestly I forgot the emotional and mental effects of having chronic illness. The social isolation, the feeling of being a freak, constantly trying to explain the condition to people who couldn’t relate.
I took myself away from work, and did not return for months. Last year I had a total of 5 months on bedrest away from work. It was irresponsible to hold space for others when I was unable to hold myself or process information. At my worst, I was almost unable to get out of bed, the stairs felt like an epic mountain top, one I had to prepare myself to climb. I was numb, emotionally, mentally and partially spiritually.
This was the hardest thing I have ever been through. This made my experience of Crohn’s disease feel like child's play. With Crohn’s my mind was always sharp and my inner voice strong. This felt like biological abuse, an attack on my mind, tissues, nerves and spirit.
How I Healed:
With the love and help of Ayurvedic herbs (shout out to Simran) which previously helped me cure Crohn’s disease all those years ago, I was able to start releasing the inflammation which was surging through my body and brain. I worked with homeopathy and bio resonance machines to understand which organs were affected (shout out to Michelle). I had emergency intravenous infusions of vitamins and minerals and I went in the cold and sauna a lot. I also worked with coaches, healers (shout out to Deborah, Julia, Amy). After going through months and months of purging out all the toxic build up I started to feel clear again, I started to recall memories I had lost, I started to be able to read again, I started “seeing” and feeling nature again and feeling my intuition.
I reflect now on how incredible and supportive my friends and partner were through the recovery process, listening to me even when I didn’t make sense, physically helping me back to health and making me laugh. My partner, wow his patience, I chose a wonderful man to marry. He saw me fall away, I feel so sad at times still for how hard it was for him. I honestly thought there was a time when I would never be back to myself again, but I'm writing this in awe of human resilience and the healing powers of nature once again.
This is not a space for the vaccine discussion as unfortunately long covid still affects those who received full doses. This topic is something we MUST talk about and take seriously as we are on the brink of a huge health hangover post pandemic.
I have learnt that anyone can get this awful condition, I have also seen many people with all the signs of long covid who are confused, overwhelmed, undermotivated and exhausted. They often have new or recurrent inflammatory conditions alongside this and tend to feel very stuck and disconnected. Their hormones also seem to be in disarray. They may have a few symptoms similar to me or varying ones. My advice is do your research or reach out to me for my contacts who helped me.
I am writing this as a HEALTHY and INSPIRED woman who has experienced one of the biggest initiations of her life. My message from this time is: Healing is possible. Even in the darkest hours, you are supported, the love of the earth, healers and loved ones can heal all wounds. Do not give up, keep holding yourself, keep loving yourself.
Here are some things I have learnt:
Covid is without question a man made virus, the body is wildly clever and intelligent and with the right conditions will heal however, this virus is insidious. This virus knows how to shift consciousness and creates a web of inflammation and knock on illnesses in people.
It has contributed to a collective wide numbing and collective hangover which many people may not be aware of. Covid will do anything it can to make you numb and stagnant.
It disconnects you from your intuition and true self.
It acts like a biological trauma, affecting the mind, nervous system and tissues.
It strangulates growth.
Nature can heal it.
Fasting helps a lot.
It drains all your life force, creative force, inspiration and magnetism.
I will be running a workshop for anyone interested in learning more about how to help either themselves or their clients who are dealing with the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical effects of long covid or covid. This will be a FREE WORKSHOP for healers and practitioners who want to learn how to deal with this new terrain of post covid mental, emotional and spiritual health to aid in personal and collective healing. Please share this workshop.
Thank you for reading my story.